The Promise 2016
This is your captain speaking…
Today we will be flying over one of the most densely populated countries in Europe.
Ours. A small island we love, where our children live. Where the future waits.
An accident here would be disastrous.
I know that you mistrust me and
have been given a fear of experts
by mischievous demons who care nothing about you
but wish to exploit your ignorance and fear of anything you choose
for their own profit.
They lied. They lied a lot.
But what can I do to make matters worse?
I invite passengers to come and
have a go at flying the plane,
although most of you are clueless about the whole shebang
due to lack of training and misdirection.
A plane is a complicated thing.
And – of course – you have no faith in me to tell you the truth.
Can’t blame you!
I know that there is a chance that we will crash.
But what can I do? I promised you a go.
Here is the switch that turns off the engines.
Here is my heartfelt stupidity for this occasion
I can do no better than heart it in my most populist way
Watch the cute cat video as we nose dive.
In the event of a decompression
Oxygen masks will come down
over some seats (but only in first-class).
Sit back. Enjoy a pleasant descent.
It won’t be pleasant.
Tra-la. Tum, te-tum.